TARTAN TOUR, DUBLIN

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Warning the language on this page is not as taught at the RHS.

SOMME BWOYS - TARTAN TOUR, DUBLIN: FRI 18th-SUN 20th JANUARY, 2003

Players:
* James "New wardrobe" Bragg (aka Jamesy B(raggmeister) - we met in '94
* Ted "Another shot ? a.k.a the Chairman" Orme (aka Teddy Boy) - we met in '00
* Tommy "3 Berds Studley Ramrod" Rooney (Brother-in-law to be - Top Usher/Reciter) - we met in '95
* Paul "Early nite" Cursiter (aka Kersy - Best Man) - we met in '77
* Mark "Be there, done that Kilt Swinger" Kennedy (aka Flowerpot Kennedy/Tom Jones) - we met in '96
* Keith "Cheap as Chips" Hill (aka Primal) - we met in '85
* Jimmy "Lappies and Burberry" Jarvis (aka Jiffrey Biffer - Top Usher) - we met in '92
* Ross "Phoning his girlfriend" Middlemist (a.k.a Wee Ronnie) - we met in '78
* Dougie "Another Dance" Robb (a.k.a Dougs R) - we met in '76
* Ewen "Three in a Bed" Murray (Law) (aka Ewen Murray Law) - we met in '83
* Chris "Lapello" Craig (aka Plops - Top Piper) - we met in '85
* Eddie "Fishnets and Wig" Tait (the Stag/Groom - son of Dotty) - we've never met
* Chris "Drinking Games" Wilson (aka Stoffer) - we met in '94
* Dougs "Quality Chat for the ladies" Glynn (a.k.a Dougs Skew nae Robotics) - we met in '83

Apologies / AWOL:
* Stuart "January Sales" Davidson (aka Westy) - we met in '85
* Marky "Code D" Sfeir (aka Marky Beer or Britney-Sfeir) - we met in '91

Our Club Secretary, Eddie Tait staggered over to Dublin for pre wedding celebrations. 7 other RHS FP's participated in this memorable event-
Paul Cursiter 1991 RHSCL
Chris Craig 1991 RHSCL
Dougie Robb 1991 RHSCL
Douglas Glynn 1990
Ewen Murray 1991
Keith Hill 1991

Fri 18th - 5pm
"Embra punters" mingle at the airport and scoop their first coolies - ahh, that's better. A timely arrival into Dublin and the hotel encouraged more beers...

Fri 18th - 6.30pm
Issues at check-in for the London chaps; problem with plane overweight and with wind. I know I'm a bit lardy but we all thought the check-in girl was taking the pis** !

Fri 18th - 9.30pm
The arrival of the London punters. It was great to finally get in to the Jackson Court Hotel and catch up with the "Embra Punters" - brothers in kilts and tartan - what a great sight to behold - like something out of Braveheart ! It was going to be a great weekend ! The first few drinks of the evening in the hotel went down a treat - sweet as !
Fri 18th - 10.15pm
The apply named "Soft Southern Puffs" (with four exceptions), witnessed the first casualty of the night - the best man, Mr.Kerse (or should that be Miss) who had been on a bender (not literally) with Mr.Tait the night before and hadonly managed four hours sleep before arises for work at five am. Excuses were given no excuses were accepted by the bwoys ! But it was a memorable send-off ! Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio...

Fri 18th - 10.20pm
Second Bar/Club - Inspired choice by wee Tommy in recommending "The Ocean" - how good a time did we have ? How many times did wee Ronnie phone Claire ? How bad was Dougs chat ? How much did Dougie R love the wig ? How impressed were Keith and Ewen with kilted action ? How many berds did Tommy score and how trendy did he look ? How many shots did Ted buy and how can anyone stop the Plops when he's on a roll ? How cool were Jimmy's burberry tweeds and how cool did Jimmy think he was in them ? How sweaty did Eddie's pits get while doing intense disco-dance action ? How did our married men Christoffer, Dougie and Mark feel amongst a bevvy of totty; pretty often ? Flowing beers and shots, quality music, superb tunes, insane dancing, sweaty pits, ample berds...and action in the field by Doooogs G (top man) and our man with the hair Tommy (and the cute berd from Hungary)...and hungry we certainly were ! Great decision to stock up on a cheeky wee doner and as if by magic, "AbbraKebabra" - Dublins' top Kebab shop appeared - Gods gift to the hungry Scotsmen and Teddy boy. "Abbrakebabra, she was the greatest dancer" was the resounding cry (need a photo of this if you have one Ewen Murrrray Law) ! Chilly sooce salade, whoose next please (or was that "Peking Duck and Sweet and Sour Sauce" ?)

Sat 19th ~1.30am
Then it was back to the Jackson Court for more crazy dancing, beer action and givin it chat and a bit of thatt ! The place was certainly jumpin', pumpin', the beat keeps thumpin' !!! Bed by 4 was the order of the day - Kersy had had 6 hours sleep by this point !!!

Sat 19th - 10am
Fresh faced and loaded with chat from the night before the bwoys cruised in for a cheeky wee Irish Breakfast - which hit the spot and sorted a few of us out ! Sat 19th - 11.30am Then it was time for the first pint of the day - nothing like a pint of black to sort out the morning after the night before. Free time was had fro an houror so and "somme bwoys" swaggered down thro' Grafton Street to Temple Bar while the others chill and made moves towards the hotel bar.

Sat 19th - 1pm
Everyone convened for tour bus action, via a trip through the park by the Reservoir Dogs crew. Stoffer, Jammer, Tommy and Mark decided Mr. T was not gettting away Scot free and promptly took the executive decision of purchasing the most hideous stockings to replace perfectly adequate kilt socks - Mr.T really did look a right trombone in the stockings, wig, kilt and with the balloon ! Cheers lad ! Superb ! Embarcation on the bus lead to open-topped tour funnies - nice touch.

Sat 18th - 2pm
Dublin = Guinness so off we go off at the Brewery stop to sample some more of the black for ourselves. By this point, the wig idea had caught fire - quite literally - that was a cracking ginger one the old buxom and available barmaid in the Guinness 365 view "Pan-oramic" bar had on !

Sat 19th - 3.30pm
Executive decision by Mr. Jarvis to muster the bwoys and head down through a scenic Industrial Estate to the tour bus. But enjoyable plan, which saw us seeing the authentic side of Dubs, getting rained on (...the bwoys were thankful of their Zippy hats!)...and catching the same bus we had scene 20 mins earlier ! Jiffrey Biffer - but an enjoyable initiative nonetheless; especially the car horns and the munter lesbo tourist, which Jimmy asked for directions.

Sat 19th - 4pm
Back to Stop 1 at the bottom of O'Connell Street and into BK for cheeky whoppers - and the burgers were nice as well ! The old ones are the best - that's why yer ma's still in business Mr.Kerse (Boom Boom - Saturday night !).

Sat 19th - 4.15pm
Swing into a great old man's boozer for some traditional irish craic. Just in time to catch the end of Munster's legendary 27 point clear win and four try victory over Gloucester in the Heineken Cup - "they'll be dancin' in the streets of Limerick tonight". Beers were sinking well. Huge bell laughs were heard for all when the wig went around the bwoys and Primal did his David Dickinson "Cheap as Chips" and Larry Lew-Bowen impressions.

Sat 18th - 5.15pm
The Bwoys merrily depart from the Palace Bar and head back to the hotel, following Kersy's "Plan"; to the last dotted I and Crossed "T" - Eddie T ! The lads were allowed one final fling before the trousers and normal civvies kicked in. As if by magic, the lone piper appeared and the bwoys rose to the occasion by masterminding and elaborate display of jigs and reels that any performer at the Edinburgh Military Tattoo would be proud of; Japanese tourists certainly got their cameras oot for the bwoys ! Scottish Pride or maybe more like Scottish Cheddar - Marky was certainly leading by example !

Sat 18th - 5.45pm
Back to the hotel and out of the glorious tartan and into the Smarts - the "Kersy Plan" was now well and truly in motion - tomorrow, the world ! Vodkas in the bar before heading out.

Sat 18th - 5.55pm
Stoff, Tommy and crew take orders for after-dinner cigars.

Sat 18th - 6pm
Good choice of tucker joint by Snowy (aka Kersy) - Captain Americas. Cocktails and bit of bloated action. Enjoyed the drinking games and questions at the meal and Wee Tommy's trendy bar (well initiated Chairman Ted and Mr. Stoff). Jamesy Bragg, Marky and Ewen Murray "Law" definitely "heads" above the rest on question stakes.

Sat 18th - 8pm
The hunt begins for the bars on the "Plan": where the streets had no names ! Wandering stars. Dakota beckoned but the bouncer said "nnnot tonight...if your name's not down, you're not getting in" - what a difference the trousers made - so lucky we built them into the equation (NOT) !!! Oh well, better make the most of it - so "Plan 2" - the trendy bar with the fire outside - quality but a bit unatmospheric until Teddy and Stoffer introduced a few top drinking games to get things started.

Sat 18th - 9pm
Cruise on down to Temple Bar for a bit of busy bars action packed with irish punters and Stag and Hen Parties - a few shots and cream (and that was just the ugly lad in the toilet cubicle getting a Brian Johnston from an ugly young slapper) ! They both got well-applauded when the exited - the machine was getting oiled !

Sat 18th - 10.30pm
Inspired decision by Teddy to ask the bouncers the name of a good bar - Bobs was the reply so we walked 2minutes up the road into Dublins answer to the Rutland ! Quality ! Prime viewing positions in the gallery were occupied by the bwoys - everyone was beginning to take shape. Baby Guinness and pints of black were going down well...and Jamesy was working his magic ! The new wardrobe was certainly working wonders for the Bragg ! Prize for DiscoKing was a very close one - Dougs, Ewen, Keith, Chris, Mark, Ronnie and Dougs R were all in the running; but the prize went to Kersy for the most unbeatable swagger - I wish there was a camcorder ! Wee Tommy was so close to winning the prize for Top Loader in the Berdie Front for the second day in a row with one (or was that two berds ?)...but only to have the top prize "snatched" by JB - for services to the Fitz - Fitzhat I hear you cry ! Hats off (said Jamesy) !

Sun 19th - 1.30am
Reluctant to leave a good time but more concerned with a bit of kilt action back at the Jackson Court the bwoys ventured pastures new as recommended by Prims, Dougs and Ewen; the bwoys were caught unawares as they thought that rallying cry would have come from the two Jimmys ! The Kersemeister protested but too no avail. Due to budgetary constraints one drink was purchased at Lapellos; Dougie, Eddie, Tommy, Ewen, Prims, Dougs and Plops etc were lapping it up ! Dougie thanked Plastic. Eddie thanked Dougie.

Sun 20th - 2.30am
Rush back to the Jackson Court to get changed into the tried and tested - kilts it was again for the bwoys - a super end of night was had by all (not sure where the coat stand and red rose came from though Tommy !). Mark Kennedy was on top form as was the Jarvis Cocker, Wee Ronnie, Ewen Moooray and the Dougmeister - and everyone else. Off to Abbrakebra for another cheeky doner - and Plops and Dougie went back into the residents bar for some beers kindly poured by Barman Dougie. Bed for all - beers had taken their toll...but not on the Bragg - there was plenty liquid ticking over in the wee Braggs "sherman" tank !

Sun 20th - 11am
Arise the bwoys. Sleep the Jimmy. Dump the Jimmy, then dump again and again..have you received the plumbing bill yet Jimmy ? Plan back into action...Edinburgh bwoys exit early for airport and London lads crept through Dublin in seek of that infamous Sunday Roast and a TV to slouch in front of to watch the footie. A very quiet day...but all good things must come to an end !

Yours aye, Eddie

Followed by the Wedding -